I haven't posted in a while, I know. First I was in India and that trip got extended because my dad got sick. Then I myself ended up with Shingles - something I wouldn't even wish on my enemy. I am finally sort of back to normal and my schedule falling into place.
I came across this article titled "What make a perfect parent" via a friend's blog. Needless to say given how much I fret over parenting decisions, the article really appealed to me. I have read Freakonomics, the book mentioned in the article, so most of the information in the article wasn't new.
The statement that I found the most insightful was a quote in the article from Dr Gordon Livingston that goes thus
"Our primary task as parents, beyond attending to the day-to-day physical and emotional welfare of our children is to convey to them a sense of the world as an imperfect place in which it is possible nevertheless to be happy."
Having analyzed many parenting strategies and ideas to the point that I feel I can no longer read any more books about how to raise children, I have come to the conclusion that besides things that Levitt lists in Freakonomics (genes, educated parents, etc.) there are only two other things we parents can do to raise well-balanced individuals.
One is to stop sweating the small stuff and make time to share moments of joy as a family. This is something I reckon I forgot a long time ago and am glad to be reminded of again. While fretting about day to day schedules, making sure kids eat right, go to bed on time, wear clean clothes and live in a clean house I forgot completely about being happy. I hate the quote "a happy mother makes a happy child" because I have seen many mothers use that as an excuse to do things that are definitely not for the best of the child. Does it really matter in the long run if our clean laundry is sitting in a basket or in a drawer? But it really seems to matter to my kids that the entire family walks to school everyday.
Second is showing your kids you truly love them and delight in their presence and company, even when they are misbehaving. This is something I learned from the book "Hold on to your child" by Dr. Gordon Neufeld. Bonding, you know. It doesn't happen automatically and often gets lost in the craziness of daily life. I have made a deliberate effort in this direction in the past few months because I am embarrassed to admit that I had forgotten this as well. I have seen a distinct improvement in behavior, eating and sleeping patterns of my children. Much better results than those I was getting through any kind of discipline or sleeping-through-the-night strategy, and in a much more pleasant way for all involved. This despite the fact that I am now very inconsistent with my discipline strategies.
I have seen many parents, including mine, use all kinds of parenting strategies, and I can't say which strategy works consistently. What does stay consistent is that most successful parents seem to share a bond with their child and seem to be at peace with their own lives.
Raising kids in a non-native environment while constantly worrying about striking the right balance.
3 comments:
I'm glad you're back! I hope your dad is okay and that the shingles goes away and never comes back.
-Valerie
Agreed. 'Don't sweat the small stuff' - that is so true. But as you say, it requires a conscious effort.
At the same time, when we go to other people's homes for a playdate or for a party, I have experienced that I am always bothered or anxious as to what could go wrong and if my daughter would behave well, not throw a tantrum etc...especially when you visit someone's house whose kids are all grown up and they have too much of the expensive delicate setup! These days I refuse to go to people's house who don't have younger kids :-)
Hope you have recovered from your Shingles and doing well.
I have recovered from Shingles, as far as doing well, that is a whole different story :) Ha!
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