Raising kids in a non-native environment while constantly worrying about striking the right balance.
As
parents we have many aspirations for our children. One of my fervent
hopes, and one that has been realized, was for mine to be
readers. As
I write this my daughters are 10 and 12. They are both voracious
readers, and even more heartening to me is that they appreciate good
writing. When they were younger I helped them choose books, read
everything they did and talked about it. I didn’t censor, just talked
about why some writing was better than other. Now I can’t keep up with
their reading but it pleases me to see that they read a whole lot more
than I do, and stay away from the junk without my intervention.
Maybe it all turned out this way because I love books and have a love of language. However, this was not something I was willing to leave to chance and actively tried to inculcate, and here I share my approach on a friend’s request.
I was a voracious reader as a child. I attribute that to boredom. There really wasn’t much other entertainment available. We did not have a TV or video games. My options for my time outside school were to help around the house, play with friends or read. Reading requires a lot of effort, and is provides much delayed gratification than watching TV. With all the entertainment options available to children these days, and given the basic human nature to exert as little effort as possible, most children do not naturally gravitate towards books.
Working from that basic principle, step one for me was to present reading as an entertainment option to my children. Ever since they were babies, I would sit them in my lap, read them books while pointing at the words. I modeled this as well. I weaned myself off TV, so if we had a quiet moment, when children were playing by themselves I would sit down and read, very easy for me to do as I love reading.
Second step was to limit the entertainment options around the house, so they would naturally gravitate to books. I limited my daughters’ “screen time”, both computer and TV combined, to one hour when they were home and none at all on the days they went to school or daycare. This rule is still in effect years later. Aside from that limited time, TV was not turned on in the house until after kids were in bed. it helped that I dislike TV news, and my husband is not much into sports, and with a DVR we can just tape the shows we like to watch them later. I am a natural homebody, so I did not take the girls out to have “fun”. We just hung around at home - there were toys and there were books, and that was that. I also did not feel compelled to constantly entertain my kids by playing with them. I really did let them get bored and figure out what they wanted to do with themselves.
I made reading seem fun and special - again not a hard thing for me as I do believe that. On our days home, we had a special “rest” time in the afternoon when we all took our books and cuddled up in bed to read, and then we went downstairs and had tea time. Given that we weren’t running around all the time - a walk to the library became the special event of the week. I hope you are not thinking it all very draconian. With our jobs and two little children, life was hectic enough. I really liked the quiet and peace rest of the time.
As the girls grew older we did not get them hand-held gaming devices and did not install a DVD player in the car. Yes, that meant we did not take many long car trips, and the ones we took were always not that easy. I had to plan games we could play in the car, read aloud to them during our drives, and sill endure some difficult drives. I persevered keeping the long-term goal in mind. Now I have the opposite problem - my kids can’t even take a fifteen minute car ride without a book in hand, when I would like them to look out and pay attention to their surroundings instead.
Simultaneously, I worked on teaching my children to read early. My main source of inspiration was my friend Valerie who had succeeded at this and Sydney Ledson’s book that she recommended. I adapted his ideas and did what worked with my children and their personalities. I took more of “whole word” approach rather than focusing on spelling or the alphabet. I taught them to recognize whole words, and taught sounds that letters made. My approach was definitely more ad-hoc but it worked. By 4, the girls had acquired basic reading skills and after that it was all practice. The more they read, the better they got at it, and since I was providing them ample opportunities to read, practice was easy.
Seeing my daughters read books such as To Kill a Mockingbird, and enjoy and appreciate them, fills my heart with pride and joy. Maybe it was all inevitable, very much in the same way children of musicians become musicians themselves. Whatever the reason, the end result makes me happy and proud.
Maybe it all turned out this way because I love books and have a love of language. However, this was not something I was willing to leave to chance and actively tried to inculcate, and here I share my approach on a friend’s request.
I was a voracious reader as a child. I attribute that to boredom. There really wasn’t much other entertainment available. We did not have a TV or video games. My options for my time outside school were to help around the house, play with friends or read. Reading requires a lot of effort, and is provides much delayed gratification than watching TV. With all the entertainment options available to children these days, and given the basic human nature to exert as little effort as possible, most children do not naturally gravitate towards books.
Working from that basic principle, step one for me was to present reading as an entertainment option to my children. Ever since they were babies, I would sit them in my lap, read them books while pointing at the words. I modeled this as well. I weaned myself off TV, so if we had a quiet moment, when children were playing by themselves I would sit down and read, very easy for me to do as I love reading.
Second step was to limit the entertainment options around the house, so they would naturally gravitate to books. I limited my daughters’ “screen time”, both computer and TV combined, to one hour when they were home and none at all on the days they went to school or daycare. This rule is still in effect years later. Aside from that limited time, TV was not turned on in the house until after kids were in bed. it helped that I dislike TV news, and my husband is not much into sports, and with a DVR we can just tape the shows we like to watch them later. I am a natural homebody, so I did not take the girls out to have “fun”. We just hung around at home - there were toys and there were books, and that was that. I also did not feel compelled to constantly entertain my kids by playing with them. I really did let them get bored and figure out what they wanted to do with themselves.
I made reading seem fun and special - again not a hard thing for me as I do believe that. On our days home, we had a special “rest” time in the afternoon when we all took our books and cuddled up in bed to read, and then we went downstairs and had tea time. Given that we weren’t running around all the time - a walk to the library became the special event of the week. I hope you are not thinking it all very draconian. With our jobs and two little children, life was hectic enough. I really liked the quiet and peace rest of the time.
As the girls grew older we did not get them hand-held gaming devices and did not install a DVD player in the car. Yes, that meant we did not take many long car trips, and the ones we took were always not that easy. I had to plan games we could play in the car, read aloud to them during our drives, and sill endure some difficult drives. I persevered keeping the long-term goal in mind. Now I have the opposite problem - my kids can’t even take a fifteen minute car ride without a book in hand, when I would like them to look out and pay attention to their surroundings instead.
Simultaneously, I worked on teaching my children to read early. My main source of inspiration was my friend Valerie who had succeeded at this and Sydney Ledson’s book that she recommended. I adapted his ideas and did what worked with my children and their personalities. I took more of “whole word” approach rather than focusing on spelling or the alphabet. I taught them to recognize whole words, and taught sounds that letters made. My approach was definitely more ad-hoc but it worked. By 4, the girls had acquired basic reading skills and after that it was all practice. The more they read, the better they got at it, and since I was providing them ample opportunities to read, practice was easy.
Seeing my daughters read books such as To Kill a Mockingbird, and enjoy and appreciate them, fills my heart with pride and joy. Maybe it was all inevitable, very much in the same way children of musicians become musicians themselves. Whatever the reason, the end result makes me happy and proud.
