Raising kids in a non-native environment while constantly worrying about striking the right balance."Definitely raising kids in the US is very challenging and hard work. At the same time, when my wife and I moved back to India for a couple of years, what we saw in a city like Bangalore made us re-think our decision. Things have changed so much in a city like Bangalore; everyone works like crazy. Most of the IT people don't seem to worry about spending time with kids. Everybody wants to make an IT career which was surprising and shocking! And lots of people don't even want to have kids because that would disrupt their careers!! I really felt that the value system was much better and intact in the US. Everything finally is a how you personally experience it but in general, Indian cities have moved ahead so fast and in some cases changed for the worse. What I was trying to get was the fact that when we were kids, the environment was different in India as compared to recent years and sometimes I feel bringing up kids in the US is much better. We are able to teach them good values and may be a little more of the Indian culture than they would learn when they are in India! "
There is a lot of depth here, and a few different issues that have been on my mind, as well. I will address the issue of parental commitment here, and leave the question of values for another post.
There is a lot of depth here, and a few different issues that have been on my mind, as well. I will address the issue of parental commitment here, and leave the question of values for another post.
I left India before the boom, and never went back to live there. I have a distorted image of the place - the good old days, you know. Yet when I think about it, I too, am glad that I have raised my children in the US, especially during their early years.
Some, esp people in India, might find it surprising that in the US, the concept of family is very strong. Parents, at least the professionally educated ones that I usually come in contact with, take their job as a parent very seriously and strive to achieve a balance between life and work. They give serious thought to what their parenting approach will be, educate themselves about various ideas and discipline techniques and follow through. Yes, the focus is on raising independent kids and once children reach college-age they are expected to be independent, but in the sense of a bird finding its wing and leaving its nest, not in the sense of being cast-off as is the impression outside the US. In essence, most parents apply the skills needed for success in a corporate career, to the task of parenting. They are pro-active, keep long-term success in mind, educate themselves and take action.
On the other hand, most parenting I witnessed in India, and I am again talking about professionally educated parents, is passive parenting - they have excellent management skills in their career but often do not apply them at home. They often react to their children's behavior instead of shaping it. Moreover, In India, the pressure to keep up with the Joneses, is much more intense. The competition in the workplace is fierce. To keep up one has to work horrendous hours. The lack of good quality child care, and recurring problem with basic necessities such as water and electricity, make life more complicated. Working mothers have no choice but to leave their children in the care of uneducated servants. Children watch too much TV and are prime targets for advertisers, and end up seeing things like Indian pop music videos bordering on pornography, that are used as fillers between "family" soap operas popular with grandmas who are often in-charge of kids during the day.
In the US, I got to see a different approach to parenting. I am gainfully employed yet with very few stresses on my time, giving me the opportunity to focus on my children. And because we can easily afford the basic luxuries of life in one income such as cars and a house. I do not have the pressure to make more money so my life can compare to others. You have to experience it to appreciate the kind of freedom this gives you. Life of a mother, who has another job is not easy, no matter where she lives, but I do think it is easier in the US given the efficiencies in life here and the availability of high quality child care.
Some, esp people in India, might find it surprising that in the US, the concept of family is very strong. Parents, at least the professionally educated ones that I usually come in contact with, take their job as a parent very seriously and strive to achieve a balance between life and work. They give serious thought to what their parenting approach will be, educate themselves about various ideas and discipline techniques and follow through. Yes, the focus is on raising independent kids and once children reach college-age they are expected to be independent, but in the sense of a bird finding its wing and leaving its nest, not in the sense of being cast-off as is the impression outside the US. In essence, most parents apply the skills needed for success in a corporate career, to the task of parenting. They are pro-active, keep long-term success in mind, educate themselves and take action.
On the other hand, most parenting I witnessed in India, and I am again talking about professionally educated parents, is passive parenting - they have excellent management skills in their career but often do not apply them at home. They often react to their children's behavior instead of shaping it. Moreover, In India, the pressure to keep up with the Joneses, is much more intense. The competition in the workplace is fierce. To keep up one has to work horrendous hours. The lack of good quality child care, and recurring problem with basic necessities such as water and electricity, make life more complicated. Working mothers have no choice but to leave their children in the care of uneducated servants. Children watch too much TV and are prime targets for advertisers, and end up seeing things like Indian pop music videos bordering on pornography, that are used as fillers between "family" soap operas popular with grandmas who are often in-charge of kids during the day.
In the US, I got to see a different approach to parenting. I am gainfully employed yet with very few stresses on my time, giving me the opportunity to focus on my children. And because we can easily afford the basic luxuries of life in one income such as cars and a house. I do not have the pressure to make more money so my life can compare to others. You have to experience it to appreciate the kind of freedom this gives you. Life of a mother, who has another job is not easy, no matter where she lives, but I do think it is easier in the US given the efficiencies in life here and the availability of high quality child care.
Lot of things have come a full circle in the west - we now are very aware of how corporations such a McDonald's have not only changed people's diets for the worse but changed the very ecosystem of the land. It is sad to see a whole generation of children in India getting hooked on McDonald's. The west already fell for that, and the damage caused is in plain view. Why can't India just learn from this and avoid taking the paths that have already proven to lead to no good. After years of deprivation, and isolation, who has the time to pause and think?
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