This past weekend my family found itself in the midst of a hands-on live nature display featuring snakes. We were encouraged to hold and handle the non-poisonous snakes. We thought this to be a great opportunity and all of us (one after a little encouragement) proceeded to hold and admire the snake. They were beautiful creatures, and feel very smooth and cool to touch. I took pictures of my daughters holding the snakes and posted them on Facebook, and the main theme of people's comments was about how brave my girls were. Bravery is a word I do not throw around carelessly, and given that the whole incident was rather matter of fact for us, I was surprised that handling snakes was considered that unusual. I know most women go eek at the sight of the smallest of creatures. I have always seen that as a conditioned response - we see other women in real life and in movies act like this so we automatically start behaving that way. Somebody has to break the cycle! I make a conscious effort to not freak out at the sight of a bug in front of my children - not that I am inclined to except at the sight of a certain centipede, but subconscious is a very strong thing. Now I have two girls who don't go eek and maybe the cycle will be broken.
Talking of cycles there is another one that I am trying to break. Growing up, my mother did all the household chores. Even us children were not expected to help, and although she complained sometimes she never asked for help. Consequently I grew up not knowing much about cooking or doing laundry. Strangely though, once I was married I took on all the housekeeping chores just as my mother had, and I know she was doing what her own mother had done. Having to do all these chores without knowing how to do them coupled with the responsibilities of a full-time job drove me right out of my mind. And yet it did not occur to me until recently that I should ensure that my daughters do not fall into the same trap i.e. not learning to take care of themselves and thinking that as the woman of the house they should do all the chores. The cycle must be broken! TO this end I am making an effort to ask for help and letting my husband do chores such as washing dishes, and have started expecting the girls to do their own laundry and keep their environs in order. Given how tedious it is to stay after kids asking them to pick up clothes off the floor and teaching them how to fold clothes and organize their drawers, I am not surprised that my mother did it all. I swear, I could get it all done faster and with much less aggravation if I did it myself, but I have to keep the long term goal in mind. Break the cycle!
Raising kids in a non-native environment while constantly worrying about striking the right balance.
1 comment:
For bugs, I've always figured that my kids take their cues from how they see adults reacting. When my kids have pointed out a big, I've always said, "Oh, an ant," or launched into talking about how it's nice to have spiders around, because they eat other bugs. But I've never gone "eek" around them about bugs. (Moldy bananas, however, are another story.) I think my kids took my cue on that, because all of them are pretty much fine with creepy crawly insects that do bother other kids.
I did the same thing with big loud dogs, with less success. My middle child, especially, worries about dogs. But I've always tried to be very matter of fact about it and not make a big fuss. Also, when they do worry about big loud dogs (or being up at high heights or anything else like that), I tell them that they are right to be a little worried, because this is nature's way of helping us to protect ourselves. It *is* a good idea to be a little cautious around unfamiliar dogs, at least until you know that they are friendly, and to be careful if you are up high at the edge of a drop-off.
I'm working on getting the kids to clean up after themselves. Oh man, I agree that this is more work than doing it myself. But I see signs that they are learning. They're not good at self-starting, but they are starting to be decent at some of the tasks that I want them to do. I'm hoping that some day they will do more noticing of things that need to be done and just go ahead and *do* them. That'll be the day! :)
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