In a comment to my last post, my friend Valerie asked "I am curious what helped *you,* personally, to make it through the Indian educational system as a thoughtful person rather than turning into a mindless TV-watching robot"
If I didn't know Valerie better, I would have said she was mocking me but knowing her, I know she is asking a genuine question. I am well aware that I generalize, and paint all Indians with the same brushstroke, but I am a part of them, and I know they are such wonderful people and I want so much more for them - more happiness, more satisfaction, more wisdom, and hence I nag.
There is a justification I commonly hear as people make the same choices for their children, as their own parents made for them - I was raised this way and I turned out to be fine, so I will do the same. I, in fact, continue to think that I did not turn out fine at all and that is what makes me want to do something different. My parents did not push me to over-achieve but I was ambitious and competitive so I went for it anyway, and the whole system was designed to reward that. I have a lot of interests but no well-developed hobby because there was no time outside of academics to develop it. Even in my studies, I acquired knowledge to pass exams with high scores, but did not necessarily learn anything. I spent my youth chasing degrees and growth at jobs, and did not take time to experiment with alternative options. Now that I want to do something different, I find I am too old, with many responsibilities and no appetite for risk. This has left a hollow space inside me, that I do not want my kids to have when they are my age.
So the answer to your question, Valerie, is that my own sense of inadequacy is what drives me to chart out a different path for my children. And I don't want much TV because it leaves an even bigger hollow space in my time - I can spend an hour playing tennis or watching TV, and the former is so much more satisfying that it is an easy choice.
Raising kids in a non-native environment while constantly worrying about striking the right balance.
2 comments:
Oh my goodness!!! I totally did not mean that to be mocking -- it was meant as a genuine question, because I think you are a very neat and wonderful deep-thinking person, and not at all the type of person who you describe the Indian school system as producing.
If you hadn't said so in this posting, I never would have realized that you feel inadequate in any way. I think of you as a superwoman -- able to bring home an income, create a comfortable home, keep it clean, thoughtfully raise amazing children, find time for friends, and generally keep a well-balanced and sensible life while finding time to stop and reflect about it. You are the last person who I ever would have expected to say you feel inadequate. I am surprised!
Hm. Maybe it is your worries about inadequacy that drive you to be so very capable, thoughtful, and organized? It seems possible.
Gads, I am sorry that my comment sounded flippant. I totally did not mean it that way.
Thank you Valerie! That was uplifting. I know very well that you were not mocking, or being flippant but I can see somebody else saying "well what makes *you* so smart!?"
The way you put it, I should be a very content person. Maybe it is the ambition instilled since childhood that makes me think that what I have is not enough and I must strive for more.
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