I enjoyed the film Once and love the soundtrack. I have it on my iPod and since I often play it in the car my daughters enjoy the music too. The other day they asked me that if they could see the movie as well and I am still debating if I should show it to them.
On one hand it could be a very simple decision; the film is rated R because there is a lot of swearing in normal conversations, not the obligatory kind that happens in some Hollywood action films. The story of the film is based in Dublin. There was this other beautiful Irish film I saw which was rated R too because of all the swearing. Do Irish people really swear that much!? Normally I am extremely uncomfortable with swearing. "Shit" is the worst I can do. I can't even hear anything worse than that but somehow Irish swearing doesn't bother me as much.
On the other hand it is a very beautiful film. The romance between the main characters is very simple, realistic and sweet. Unlike most Hollywood movies, even the movies directed towards teens and most music these days, sex isn't portrayed as the be all and end all of the romance. It isn't that big kiss that finally tells you "he loves you", but it is lot of little events and encounters. There is a very awkward attempt at sex in the movies but it doesn't get very far. I think it will be good for my girls to be exposed to this kind of stuff as I doubt they are going to encounter many realistic romances in their lives. I do not want them to grow up with the ridiculous idea of love that pop culture sells these days where love and sex are impossible to distinguish from each other, and there are no conflicts in love.
Raising kids in a non-native environment while constantly worrying about striking the right balance.
Thursday, August 28, 2008
Friday, August 22, 2008
Balance
I want my kids to attain all their potential. To that end, I know I need to set high expectations, ensuring they get challenged enough to meet them. On the other hand I have got my mothering instincts wanting to hold their hands, and provide them comfort and encouragement. I find it is very hard to attain a balance between the two. Things get even harder because I believe the point of equilibrium is constantly shifting with the kids ages and abilities. Setting expectations is one thing but at what point am I helping too much, protecting too much and not giving them independence to fail? This often gets clouded.
We have a two story house, and for some reason both my girls have been scared to go upstairs by themselves. After a while it seemed like even if I was upstairs with them, they were scared to go to another room by themselves at night. Then they were scared to sit in the car for a few minutes by themselves, while it was parked in the driveway. If I had to run in to grab my purse, they would come running after me. This was followed by fear to go into the garage alone to fetch something. I had been away from them for over a month, so initially I chalked it up to separation anxiety. I tried to be supportive and comforting by not leaving them alone and accompanying them if they were scared. Two months down the line, it seemed like either their fear was feeding itself or the fear had just become a device to get my attention. Either way it was getting annoying as hell! Finally I declared that I find it ridiculous that they are scared to go from one point to another in their own house and I am done escorting them. This doesn't seemed to have improved things - they now try to get each other to accompany them upstairs. Now I wonder if I swung to the other extreme by completely dismissing their fears,.
Another example, the girls will often declare they are putting up a dance show, give us and then I have to sit and watch 10 minutes worth of twirling, leaping etc. These performances are completely unrehearsed, so they will do a thing or two then stand and think, or argue, about what to do next and then do a couple other things. In the past I dutifully sit through, praise what I like and clap. The performances are getting boring though so at the last show I declared, "if you expect somebody to sit and watch you for 15 minutes, then you need to put more effort in the show. Next time I expect better planning and some advance rehearsals." Did I raise the bar or crush their spirits? I don't know.
We have a two story house, and for some reason both my girls have been scared to go upstairs by themselves. After a while it seemed like even if I was upstairs with them, they were scared to go to another room by themselves at night. Then they were scared to sit in the car for a few minutes by themselves, while it was parked in the driveway. If I had to run in to grab my purse, they would come running after me. This was followed by fear to go into the garage alone to fetch something. I had been away from them for over a month, so initially I chalked it up to separation anxiety. I tried to be supportive and comforting by not leaving them alone and accompanying them if they were scared. Two months down the line, it seemed like either their fear was feeding itself or the fear had just become a device to get my attention. Either way it was getting annoying as hell! Finally I declared that I find it ridiculous that they are scared to go from one point to another in their own house and I am done escorting them. This doesn't seemed to have improved things - they now try to get each other to accompany them upstairs. Now I wonder if I swung to the other extreme by completely dismissing their fears,.
Another example, the girls will often declare they are putting up a dance show, give us and then I have to sit and watch 10 minutes worth of twirling, leaping etc. These performances are completely unrehearsed, so they will do a thing or two then stand and think, or argue, about what to do next and then do a couple other things. In the past I dutifully sit through, praise what I like and clap. The performances are getting boring though so at the last show I declared, "if you expect somebody to sit and watch you for 15 minutes, then you need to put more effort in the show. Next time I expect better planning and some advance rehearsals." Did I raise the bar or crush their spirits? I don't know.
Tuesday, August 5, 2008
Review: Reviving Ophelia
I was hoping to write a review after I was finished with the book, but I am finding it very difficult to read the book so I might as well just write why it is a difficult book to read.
The problems with teenage girls that the author talks about are disturbing and in some way I am glad that I am aware of them so hopefully with my daughters I will be better at spotting signs early. I, however, cannot help but wonder if the author's view of the world isn't completely skewed! She is, after all a therapist, and the girls she is seeing are the ones that have been brought into therapy. I don't think parents would take their kids to a psychotherapist unless the problems were severe, so a vast majority of girls she is interacting with have serious problems. The author talks about one teenage girl that she has seen outside therapy, I think her niece, who still seems 'normal' with a joy for life and then the author comments "I wonder how long this will last". In any case the world the author is talking is about does not seem like the world I live in. Somewhere she says that our perception of what constitutes family is all wrong because we think of family as mom staying home with kids and dad working. I was surprised to hear that because I know maybe one family like that, and know that in today's world that is an exception rather than the norm.
Secondly what I have read till now seems like a big rant against the culture and media - a lot of blame. There seems to be no structure to the book itself. The book is divided into chapters but I really see no difference between one chapter and the other. It is just one description after another of the same problem, and she has not presented any solutions yet, except maybe taking the kid to a therapist like herself.
So overall I am not finding the book enjoyable or useful, and doubt I will ever finish it because I have so many other interesting books to read.
The problems with teenage girls that the author talks about are disturbing and in some way I am glad that I am aware of them so hopefully with my daughters I will be better at spotting signs early. I, however, cannot help but wonder if the author's view of the world isn't completely skewed! She is, after all a therapist, and the girls she is seeing are the ones that have been brought into therapy. I don't think parents would take their kids to a psychotherapist unless the problems were severe, so a vast majority of girls she is interacting with have serious problems. The author talks about one teenage girl that she has seen outside therapy, I think her niece, who still seems 'normal' with a joy for life and then the author comments "I wonder how long this will last". In any case the world the author is talking is about does not seem like the world I live in. Somewhere she says that our perception of what constitutes family is all wrong because we think of family as mom staying home with kids and dad working. I was surprised to hear that because I know maybe one family like that, and know that in today's world that is an exception rather than the norm.
Secondly what I have read till now seems like a big rant against the culture and media - a lot of blame. There seems to be no structure to the book itself. The book is divided into chapters but I really see no difference between one chapter and the other. It is just one description after another of the same problem, and she has not presented any solutions yet, except maybe taking the kid to a therapist like herself.
So overall I am not finding the book enjoyable or useful, and doubt I will ever finish it because I have so many other interesting books to read.
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