Karwachauth

Today is Karwachauth, the holiday when Hindu women fast until moonrise for the longevity of their husbands. In a certain sense the holiday is antiquated, anti-feminist and enforces the subservience of women in the Hindu culture especially if you read this op-ed in New York Times. I think even my grandfather waited for my grandma on Karwachauth, so the author's family seems to be in a whole different century altogether.

The question arises why do I, a seemingly modern progressive woman, continue to observe this holiday every year – going without food or water for an entire day to honor my husband. I used to ask myself this question through hunger pangs every year. Do I really believe the stories retold every year on this holiday about how bad fate befell a woman who unwittingly had a sip of water when mistaking a lamp in a tree for the moon, and hence breaking her fast before the scheduled time? I don’t think so. Do I think that the life of a woman without a husband is no life at all, and hence must continue to pray that I die before him? Umm no.

I have a deep respect for traditions, and I am wary of doing away with one too easily without first understanding its far-reaching roots. That was the reason I started observing this fast and a few others – simply because my mother used to. Most fasting holidays have a whole ceremony centered on breaking the fast. When the time comes, you don’t just fall upon the food but first have to go through a few rituals. Over time I have come to realize that this waiting for food, even when you are allowed to eat, takes the focus away from food on a fasting day and makes you mindful of why you were fasting in the first place. And so tonight, as I make my offerings to the moon, and go through the little rituals along with my husband before sitting down to have a meal, I will remember and honor the person I have decided to spend my life with, and be mindful of the ups and downs of the journey a marriage is. It being one of the most important relationships in our life, it is no surprise that the prescribed fast for it is one of the hardest. I am glad tradition forces me to set aside a day to reflect on this.

Talking of tradition

Let us talk breakfast tradition. For me breakfast was something mom cooked everyday - things such as whole wheat breads with locally-grown fresh vegetables, cracked wheat or chivda cooked pilaf style.

When I visit India now, kids often seem more interested in, and their moms happy to feed them, highly processed and sugar-loaded industrial breakfasts such as Kellog's Chocos, Ramen-noodle type things or pancakes made from store-bought mixes which are nothing more than white flour. Relatives ask me to bring some fancier 'pancake mixes' from the US so that they can feed their kids healthier things. This new breakfast tradition has been fueled by ads comprising of smiling moms and kids, placed in urban middle class settings, proclaiming the benefits of vitamins and minerals in these new breakfast products. Ads also teach kids how to be 'healthy', thus associating their product with health in little minds and shaping a generation of junk-food eaters.

It is worth noting that it is not the convenience factor of cereal that is the attraction here. Busy middle class moms, the kind pictured in the ads, have servants.

I don’t know if anybody has even noticed this slow erosion of healthy traditions. but, hey, if few women ever enter a pub, watch for the culture police to descend in full force!

Changing times

I was watching a hindi movie this weekend where the hero and heroine, depicted as Indians living in the US, got married with an "I do" and exchange of rings, and the bride wore white. Needless to say I was shocked. I never imagined that the rituals and traditions of marriage will ever change, esp in the case where two Hindus were involved. Of course, movies are not reality but I think they do sometimes depict the aspirations of people that make them. Most Indian movies nowadays have a guy proposing to a girl on his knees with the invariable diamond ring in his hands, and people praying in churches with candles, instead of temples with oil lamps. This is a relatively new phenomenon. India is getting modernized, and somewhat homogenized by the global corporate culture and also by exposure to western TV shows etc. I can understand the changes in diet, the proliferation of starbucks-type coffee shops. However, I never expected a change in the religious rituals. Doesn't faith go deeper than that! I am waiting for a real celebrity wedding in India that will happen in the western "I do" style and I am convinced it will happen. I even have a celebrity picked out who I think will wear white for her wedding.

I read somewhere that the values of an immigrant get stuck in the era he left his country, while his country keeps evolving. As a result most immigrants tend to be much more conservative than their compatriots who stayed in the native country. This seems to make sense. This is probably why I cannot stomach an Indian wedding culminating with "you may now kiss the bride". I had been living in fear that my daughters, who will grow up watching American movies will always equate wedding with a white dress and saying of vows, as opposed to a red dress and circles around a fire. From the look of it, that era has passed and I am apparently stuck in old times.