Balance

I want my kids to attain all their potential. To that end, I know I need to set high expectations, ensuring they get challenged enough to meet them. On the other hand I have got my mothering instincts wanting to hold their hands, and provide them comfort and encouragement. I find it is very hard to attain a balance between the two. Things get even harder because I believe the point of equilibrium is constantly shifting with the kids ages and abilities. Setting expectations is one thing but at what point am I helping too much, protecting too much and not giving them independence to fail? This often gets clouded.

We have a two story house, and for some reason both my girls have been scared to go upstairs by themselves. After a while it seemed like even if I was upstairs with them, they were scared to go to another room by themselves at night. Then they were scared to sit in the car for a few minutes by themselves, while it was parked in the driveway. If I had to run in to grab my purse, they would come running after me. This was followed by fear to go into the garage alone to fetch something. I had been away from them for over a month, so initially I chalked it up to separation anxiety. I tried to be supportive and comforting by not leaving them alone and accompanying them if they were scared. Two months down the line, it seemed like either their fear was feeding itself or the fear had just become a device to get my attention. Either way it was getting annoying as hell! Finally I declared that I find it ridiculous that they are scared to go from one point to another in their own house and I am done escorting them. This doesn't seemed to have improved things - they now try to get each other to accompany them upstairs. Now I wonder if I swung to the other extreme by completely dismissing their fears,.

Another example, the girls will often declare they are putting up a dance show, give us and then I have to sit and watch 10 minutes worth of twirling, leaping etc. These performances are completely unrehearsed, so they will do a thing or two then stand and think, or argue, about what to do next and then do a couple other things. In the past I dutifully sit through, praise what I like and clap. The performances are getting boring though so at the last show I declared, "if you expect somebody to sit and watch you for 15 minutes, then you need to put more effort in the show. Next time I expect better planning and some advance rehearsals." Did I raise the bar or crush their spirits? I don't know.